Tag Archives: personal development

Wonder, What is Hidden, What Will Emerge this Spring

When I climb to 5,242 feet, the wind reminds me about momentum and my desire to keep going…

the voices keep shouting their bad advice

I keep going. I know what I must do.

21 inches of new snow has fallen. My snowshoes sink deeply as I create a pathway through the subalpine firs. I stop frequently and am aware just how alive I feel in the midst of such

Beauty. Presence. Presents.

What happens when I have that sinking feeling that something isn’t right? I shut down or take a few awkward steps.

I am hungry and take a bite of nourishment. I am carrying burdens– a pack with necessary gear and stuff I lug around with me all the time. To what end? Can I give all of it to the trees who know so much about shedding when their limbs can no longer bear it?

All around me I hear communities of winged ones, four-leggeds who live under the snow, and insects.

The seekers. The survivors. The sensate.

I plop myself down while I snack. I feel closer, sheltered, grounded. I want to be part of, not separated from. The white all around me provides light. The air clears the way. Instead of wanting to push forward I want to

slow down and listen, deepen, connect with life.

I don’t have my journal or watercolors but I have my phone camera. I start to capture or 

I make an attempt to capture images, the moment, reverie, where I came from, where I am going, what my heart wants to sing, what my gut wants me to know.

So many have been here before me. I am surrounded by my ancestors. Not just two-legged. Ancestors come in many forms. They are all present. This place. I am here to understand and communicate. Dreaming comes easily here. I sink further into the deepening of who I am becoming and what I am called to offer.

In this moment, when I learn of the unwelcome news that Michael’s  P.E.T. scan shows another hot spot (cancer), that my spouse will need surgery–the icycles are hard and frozen. or so it seems. I breathe and remind myself that there is fluidity in all of life. Certainly I am a fluid being. I want to be fluid. The drops of water on my branches are in flow, a stream of consciousness, a river of life.

I am grateful for the inspiration of Hurricane Ridge, a mountainous area in the Olympic National Park, the poems of Mary Oliver, and my 25-year love and creative partner, Michael.

 

 

Birth is a Natural Process: Breathe & Release

When women are giving birth in the hospital they are often told to hold their breath and PUSH WITH FORCE.A  holistic approach to birthing calls for relaxation, breathing, and release during a time of intensity and swift change.

When I try to push through as a means to an end my efforts ultimately fail me. I feel more in synch when I release what doesn’t serve me and instead embrace what feels natural.

There are so many times in my life when I have pushed myself to do something even when another part of me was saying, REST, BREATHE, AND RELEASE.

It’s getting easier to see the signs (RED FOR STOP) that tell me to slow down, breathe, reassess.

  • tension
  • feeling at loose ends
  • unsettled
  • scratchy throat
  • headache
  • frustrated
  • and more…

I can also see the signs that tell me, it’s a GO! MOVE AHEAD WITH EASE…

  • joy
  • energetic
  • passionate
  • in flow

What are your GO and STOP signs?

 

 

Do You Notice that the Same Stuff Keeps Spiraling Around

Falling apart is alchemical, a process of dis-memberment that promises repair, re-membering, and growth.

Re-membering what is important, what matters most, what you are called to attend to, what to love, what to share with others lovingly again and again.

Starting over again and again offers me continuous opportunities to play with, cycle through, spiral around what is not completely done with me.

Do you ever notice that the same issues keep coming up again and again?

What are the issues that you re-play over and over?

Throughout my life I keep spiraling around:

  • Not Being Heard and Seen by Others
  • Recurring Dreams of Betrayal, Woundedness, and Criticism

 

Being Seen and Heard

A few years ago I was in an ongoing dance group. During one dance someone in the group started to shout, I want to be seen and heard! This proclamation was followed by others until we were all shouting out what we needed most, I want to be seen and heard!

It seems there is a human need to be acknowledged. To be seen and heard. Really seen and heard for who we are and who we are becoming… (not for what others want us to be).

Recurring Dreams of Betrayal, Woundedness, and Criticism

For many years I have been receiving a recurring dream where other dream figures representative of my tribe criticize and berate me. I have just begun to write about my shadow (what is hidden from my conscious view) and how my recurring dreams are helping me to find my way to acceptance and forgiveness.

Some Prompts for Reflection on What it Means to ‘Fall Apart:

What if, falling apart is …

In my world falling apart is…

I feel like I’m being ripped wide open when…

I am…


WANT A WAY TO ADD 21-DAY ‘START WRITING YOUR MEMOIR’  IMAGES AND PROMPTS TO YOUR JOURNAL WITH EASE?
   $12  Buy Now

I also offer one-on-one mentoring & creative coaching:

WORK/WITH MELEARN ‘the ART OF PLAYING IN THE EVERYDAY’

Find out about our MEMOIR PROJECT

 

I Like Showing My Wild Side

Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. ~Clarissa Pinkola Estes

In 1996 I recorded my dance of the selchies (seal woman’s) story juxtaposed against my own personal story of being a surrogate mother for my psychotherapist and her husband. For months prior to filming I worked with a choreographer and practiced my dance during dance class, on a private beach on California’s central coast, and in a dance studio. When the day of the shoot finally arrived, I danced on a stage that was built from hard metal puzzle pieces. Rivets held the pieces of the stage together. As I danced over  the 4 hours of recording the costume that I was wearing was torn and my body bruised. When I finally returned home after we had finished for the day I discovered that my body was covered with bruises.

I remember thinking as I went to bed that night that I was more seal than woman. I had gone onto land and birthed a son while being separated from the waters of my birth and my natural wild Self.

Since that time and while writing my memoir I have revisited my selchie dance and my personal story many times over. I opened Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype today and found some notes scribbled onto a magazine page that I had inserted into the pages of the ‘Homecoming: Returning to One’s Self’‘ chapter. The torn magazine page has two images of women dancing and the word SPEECHLESS set in the middle of the page.

Estes writes, we lose the moleskin by becoming too involved with the ego, by being too exacting, perfectionistic. or unnecessarily martyred, or driven by a blind ambition, or by being dissatisfied–about self, family, community, culture, world–and not saying or doing anything about it SPEECHLESS or by pretending we are an unending source for others, or by not doing everything we can to help ourselves. 

Two words I wrote and tucked away in the pages of the selchie story around the year 2010 are PASSION, DREAMS

The wild woman is fluent in the nature of dreams, images, passion, and poetry.


The power of Mary Alice’s story is the heart connections that connect us all while honoring our unique experiences and beliefs.

Muriel Percy, Ontario, CAN

You made it clear that getting in touch with, and living from the heart is natural and simple…. though quite hidden, and perhaps scary for most modern people…..  And a sometimes struggle, ….but something which can be taught/discovered and shared together, playfully and creatively. Here is my bravo…. but the story is ongoing…..

Betsy Wetzig, Allentown, PA

**Below you can watch both the selchie dance and 1 of a series of memoir project performances**

How are you fluent in the language of dreams, images, passion, and poetry?


WANT A WAY TO ADD 21-DAY ‘START WRITING YOUR MEMOIR’  IMAGES AND PROMPTS TO YOUR JOURNAL WITH EASE?
   $12  Buy Now

I also offer one-on-one mentoring & creative coaching:

WORK/WITH MELEARN ‘the ART OF PLAYING IN THE EVERYDAY’

Find out about our MEMOIR PROJECT

Memoir Project: The Next Chapter

Summer has brought with it attention to healing and recovery. What supports me is injured. I’m keeping what benefits me and letting go of what no longer serves. I’ve been artificially holding up my upper torso. Dropping into my natural stance and walk makes me feel much more at ease.

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I’ve been holding on for almost 30 years. Three decades reminding me of the mantra of the rosary–a prayer.

I’m praying, my prayer is one of release.

I am writing in two columns as I journal. The second queue includes feelings and body intelligence that I note as I write freely.

Blow out as you push, don’t hold your breath

Holding myself up

Can you imagine holding something up for almost 30 years? Well, I did just that. That kind of holding can eventually show up as pain in the hips and legs. What supports me started to break down.

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Dropping Down & Pushing

Walking nearby our campsite my hips dropped and I felt a release. An awareness washed over me of just how long I have been moving ahead in a way that injures

Since the moment when I passed my newborn son from my arms into the arms of his adoptive mother I have been…

  • holding myself up
  • holding myself back
  • unable to settle into a position that allows for ease of birthing.

I was not going to relax and move into a position where I was likely to give away so much of myself again.

Giving Birth

I am in another 7 year cycle. Exploring patterns:

1-7: childhood, play!

7-14: adolescence, play!

14-21: marriage, birth of my daughter

21-28: birth of my son and daughter, back to school

28-35: surrogate pregnancy, masters program

35-42: birth of my surrogate son, doctoral program, new relationship, kids leave home, move, play!

42-49: play! move, breast cancer, Mom’s breast cancer, re-marriage

49-56: play! move, Michael’s cancer returns, surgery and treatment; Mom’s death

56-63: play! Dad’s death, gave away my son at his wedding

63-70: play! new chapter!

My ability to hold on is amazing. Will I be able to release what has been holding me back? It’s exciting to think about a new chapter in my life.

What’s next?

for me? for you?