After years of writing my personal narrative, many deep, interwoven conversations, visual journaling, and performance…in less than a week…
I will say his name * meet him in-person * hold him in my arms.
January 23, 2017, on what would have been my mom’s 95th birthday, William called me. He told me how scared he was to leave a voice message asking me to call him. He asked me about his story, how he came to be.
Today I booked a flight to visit William in-person. Next week we will meet for the first time. He’s leaving the hospital after undergoing major surgery Monday evening. William’s cancer has moved from his skin, to his lungs, and now to his brain.
The phone rings and William says, They got it all.
He is hopeful and I am expectant once again.
The thing is, he is real to me now. For years, I have been using the phrase, my surrogate son. What a relief to be able to say his name, William, and know him as a person who loves to watch sports, wants to find work as a sports journalist, hike hundreds of trails.
Over the next few days, I will be gathering some of my journals, photos, and other treasures so that I can share them with William when we visit next week. Poems, memoir writing, research from my doctoral dissertation on surrogacy, performance-storytelling.
The first time we meet
Just making the reservations for my shuttle to the airport and flights was a struggle. Crying at the bank, at the pharmacy while trying to get through to the pharmacy clerk who is holding Michael’s medications post-stoke for ransom! Crying in the art studio while collaborating on a flyer for our fundraiser. I am tripping and almost fell yesterday because I have so much in my head and forgot about my feet. I keep reminding myself to ground. I’m wondering if I should rent a car but I am also concerned that I won’t be as focused as usual while driving the Los Angeles freeways.
Feeling the immediacy of the moment. I am grateful for the real deal, live life to the fullest!
I invite you to check in frequently here and on the Play=Peace blog.
Read the follow-up story Sit Back and Enjoy the Trip
Psyche calls you whether you are ready or not. Well before I feel ready, my night and waking dreams are offering me what I need to start + what I need to stay in a committed relationship with what I value most. Questions that run through my head are: