Summer has brought with it attention to healing and recovery. What supports me is injured. I’m keeping what benefits me and letting go of what no longer serves. I’ve been artificially holding up my upper torso. Dropping into my natural stance and walk makes me feel much more at ease.
I’ve been holding on for almost 30 years. Three decades reminding me of the mantra of the rosary–a prayer.
I’m praying, my prayer is one of release.
I am writing in two columns as I journal. The second queue includes feelings and body intelligence that I note as I write freely.
Blow out as you push, don’t hold your breath
Holding myself up
Can you imagine holding something up for almost 30 years? Well, I did just that. That kind of holding can eventually show up as pain in the hips and legs. What supports me started to break down.
Dropping Down & Pushing
Walking nearby our campsite my hips dropped and I felt a release. An awareness washed over me of just how long I have been moving ahead in a way that injures
Since the moment when I passed my newborn son from my arms into the arms of his adoptive mother I have been…
- holding myself up
- holding myself back
- unable to settle into a position that allows for ease of birthing.
I was not going to relax and move into a position where I was likely to give away so much of myself again.
I am in another 7 year cycle. Exploring patterns:
1-7: childhood, play!
7-14: adolescence, play!
14-21: marriage, birth of my daughter
21-28: birth of my son and daughter, back to school
28-35: surrogate pregnancy, masters program
35-42: birth of my surrogate son, doctoral program, new relationship, kids leave home, move, play!
42-49: play! move, breast cancer, Mom’s breast cancer, re-marriage
49-56: play! move, Michael’s cancer returns, surgery and treatment; Mom’s death
56-63: play! Dad’s death, gave away my son at his wedding
63-70: play! new chapter!
My ability to hold on is amazing. Will I be able to release what has been holding me back? It’s exciting to think about a new chapter in my life.
for me? for you?